JasonsSailorette (kutiepyeprinces) wrote in 2007_n_b_h,
JasonsSailorette
kutiepyeprinces
2007_n_b_h

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Much Needed Words of Encouragement

   Ok for some odd reason, I got hit like a ton of bricks with depression again.  I seriously think that I have a problem and don't know if I should see a doctor for it. Having Jason away from me and not seeing him for the longest period of time right now (almost a year now), I go into depress mode from 0 to 30 seconds for no reason at all. Like this morning, I woke up and gave my Sailor bear a HUGE hug and thought, "somewhere out there, theres a United States Navy PO3 Sailor that loves me and I love him with every beat of my heart and wouldn't change it for anything in the world." Now ever since 1pm today I find myself crying my eyes out because I can't stand being away from Jason and not being able to talk to him. I text messaged my friend, Vicky, and told her that depression hit me full force again. Here's what our little convo went:

Me: Ok MAJOR depress mode coming in
Vicky: Why?
Me: I dont know. Its just hitting me.
Vicky: Your fine. Dont worry. He loves you. Theres no reason to worry!
Me: I know but it kills me that I havent seen him in almost a year and that hes trying to come home but thier giving him shit about it.
Vicky: Well the point is, hes trying to come home. He would do anything to be with you right now.
Me: : ... (

   After that I got a comment on my MySpace from another Navy Girlfriend telling me that its hard to do what we do and not a lot of girls know how hard it is. That made me cry even more because I know exactly where she was coming from. Sometimes it feels like we're the strongest women in the world because we put up with a lot and each and everyday we stand by our men not knowing what the next day is going to bring us. It's funny because I think you can actually see that I haven't been getting too much good nights rest since I've seen Jason last because you can see the dark circles under my eyes and one of my managers told me that yesterday at work. I slept so well when Jason was home, asleep next to me in my bed with me in his arms. I miss that so much! I know he doesn't want me to be all sad and crying, but when the person that you love so much is away from you for SO LONG, it's hard not to. I know that when I do see him again for the first time, I'm going to cry my eyes out and that will be the first time he'll see me cry. I'm in a nervous wreck right now and all I want to do is crawl into a deep hole and stay there until Jason comes home.

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